Being a Parent

 I found this week’s lessons to be very eye opening. As I read the articles for the discussions, I was reminded of my days when I was a young child. My parents always wanted the best for me growing up, but I never really listened to them. There was a point in my life where my father spoke to me personally and told me,

“You won’t understand now, but as you get older you will see why we did the things we did.”

When I was 18 years old, I left home to serve a religious mission in the state of Kansas. It was then that I began to understand what my father had told me years before. I’m sure that many of us go through the same thoughts. We do not understand why our parents are do things the way they do and we don’t understand when they tell us that is it for our own benefit.

In our class discussion this week, I learned three purposes of parenting that stood out to me.

1. To be a teacher – As an adult, the experience that parents gain through living life is a valuable resource.
2. Be a best friend – Parents want to be someone that their kids can rely on and trust in the times that they need it the most.
3. Provide wisdom – The goal of a parent is to be able to help their children understand what life is. The provide the guidance they need to then make choices on their own once they have grown to be adults themselves.

As Michael Popkin, creator of the Active Parenting Programs, states, “To protect and prepare children to survive and thrive in the world which they will live in.”

While in class, I also learned about a chart made my Michael Popkin called, “The Needs Approach” in which he explains why children will have certain behaviors. I will touch on each briefly.

• The need for contact and belonging. 
• Without it, Popkin explains that the negative behavior that comes with it is undue attention seeking. We have all seen kids who go out of their way seeking attention from others, and a possible cause is that at home they may not receive contact or feel at home. Popkin’s recommends that parents offer contact freely and teach their kids to contribute so simple tasks.
• The need for power.
•  Children and teenagers need to feel that they have control of their lives, of course according to their age. Without it they will lean on rebelling and controlling others. The parental advice here is that parents offer choices to their kids but to also let them learn the consequences of their decisions. With this, they can learn responsibility.
• The need to feel protected.
•  In this case, the behavior that comes is revenge. When I grow up I definitely don’t want my children to seek revenge, and so the recommendation here is that parents teach their children assertiveness and forgiveness.
• The need of withdrawing.
•  Without withdrawal, we have undue avoidance. Knowing when to take a break and to move on is a needed skill. In life, there will be times when no longer a child, adults will be on their own living life. Popkin’s advises to teach children to take wise breaks.
• The need for challenge.
•  Without it, children will grow up to be risk takers. If you were a parent, this might bring some anxiousness. Kids are constantly growing and trying to learn more about the world around them. If they cannot fulfill this need to move to taking risks and learning that way. To resolve this, it is advised to encourage skill building.

The task of being a parent is a hard one, especially with the days that we currently live in. As such, I will be forever grateful to my parents for the effort they put forth in teaching me the values, morals, and principles that I live by now. My hope is that we can understand that when the time comes for ourselves to be parents, we must have patience not only with out children but with ourselves.