Family as a System

This week we talked about how individual family members have roles. It was a very interesting topic to learn about in class and I would love to share why it resonated with me. At the end of this blog, I will extend an invitation and I hope that you may try it out and see what you learn about your own family system.  

            I come from a family of 7. I have two amazing parents and 4 siblings, 2 boys and 2 girls, who I love very much. We alternate boy, girl, boy, etc. While in class our professor asked us to explain our family and the roles that each of us have within them. It made me ponder, what is my role in my family and why is it that role? I listed my families roles before mine to see where I would fit in.

1)     Father – Provider

2)     Mother – Nurturer/Discipliner

3)     Older Brother – Leader (Pioneer)

4)     Older Sister – Mom

5)     Younger Sister – Mom/Rebel

6)     Younger Brother – The baby

    It was interesting to note that there were roles that my family had, but not that I had noticed on my own until now. We discussed in class how naturally, our roles are determined by one another or even assigned.

     Growing up, my father has always been the provider in the family. He’s a hard working man that would give anything for his family. Whenever he wasn’t home, my mom was the one who raised us, but also disciplined us a lot. Let’s say that as a child I was deathly scared of my mom, especially when I heard the chair scrape on the floor. Yet, I have a deep love for her and am grateful to her. My older brother was the first to experience many things first, and as such he has set the path for us and shown us the way through his actions that we can make it as well. My older sister was closer to our age than my older brother, and because of that whenever my parents were not home, she would take care of us and make sure that no one caused trouble. My younger sister, though she was a handful, as we kept growing up I found that she also had a kind heart, only it was hard for her to show it all the time. The youngest, well he was the baby and so we treated him that way.

     As I reflected on my life, I found that I felt that I understood what my role was. I felt almost like the glue between my siblings. Growing up, I was extremely close to my older brother compared to my other siblings. I was the middle child and I always hung out and fought with all of my siblings. My father would rely on me to communicate to my younger sibling since they were closer to me. At the same time, since I had a great relationship with my older siblings, they also become connected to them. To this day, we all go to the same university and hang out together. We enjoy our time together. Sometimes I do wonder, what would my family system be like if I were not included in it? Now that we are all old, I feel like my role has changed since we are all adults, yet it was fascinating to learn that roles are in the family.

    My invitation is that you can reflect on your family and learn more about the roles that every single one of you has within your family system. I can promise you that it can be an eye-opening experience.